i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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