Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
