6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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