i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
