hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
