just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
