1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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