Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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