Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
