i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
