so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
