don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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