What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
