dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
