your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I could have mohawked her pubes.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
