You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
