there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
