like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
