I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
