take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
