It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
