I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
