but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
