perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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