official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
