no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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