All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
