He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
