I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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