I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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