Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
