Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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