I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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