just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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