I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
