I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i out mim tonsoeep
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