Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
