party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
