I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
