Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
