Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
