woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
