i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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