No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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