Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
