yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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