I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I can't put those talents on a resume
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
