Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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