my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
