I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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