I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
