and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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